Saturday
unware of my fears..
unware of my dreams..
just waiting..
the results is killing me..
am
SCARED..
Placed By Jonathan
6/26/2004 12:02:00 AM
Friday
staring out of my window now.. the view of the clear blue sky.. and the vast sea.. the wind breeze thru my face and hair.. people are movin around.. some are busy..
for me.. i am
speechless..
lost for words..
feelings that cant be describe.. i am tinking.. but i cant tink straight.. so many thought running thru..
hate to be alone.. just cant stop tinking..
what will become of me now?. wad will the outcome of the situation be?.
GOD i reallie need you know.. i leave my problems into your hands.. at times i go
against your will.. now.. i promise LORD.. i realise my wrong.. i need you to save me from the problem i am in..
calm me down LORD.. please LORD.. let nothing happen at all.. show me your ways and your decision that you have made for the problem i am in.. i
leave it all in your HANDS..
AMEN
feeling scared..
Placed By Jonathan
6/25/2004 02:41:00 PM
Thursday
NEED YOU HERE..
I need you here
I need you here
You're like the rain that falls
Fall on this heart and make me new
I look to you
I look to you
You're
king above the earth
And you have put heaven in my
heart
I only want to be where you are
Holy, Holy is the Lord
King of Glory
Forever, Saviour of the world
Though the mountains may be moved
And fall into the raging sea
You'll never let me fall
You
hold me in your nail scarred hands
By Hillsong..
I am quite stress now as something bad had happen or is about to happen and the situation is goin to be way out of my league.. i wun knw wad to do.. i am stuck..
i AM LOST!! just waiting for the results..
now all i can do i pray.. hope that GOD save me from the trouble that i am goin to face.. its not a small matter.. i cant tink properly.. i cant share with anyone the problem.. all i can share is how i am feeling.. i am scared.. feel lyk
crying..
i have done wrong in his eyes.. mayb he is goin to punish me using the tough ways.. letting me suffer?. i dunno.. i am scared.. real scared.. i am
freaked out!!
GOD please help me.. dun let anything happen.. i am not prepared for anything.. i promise i will change.. i will
NEVER DO IT AGAIN!!
Lord please hear my prayers..
I
promise..
Placed By Jonathan
6/24/2004 08:22:00 PM
hate being alone at home.. as in no company.. no company of friends.. it just sets me tinking?. hate this moment..
thoughts flashing pass.. flashing by..
no sense of belonging.. i just keep tinking of things i shuld not tink abt.. tinkin abt things lyk relationship.. how my future will be.. at times i feel lost.. juz things i shuld not worry abt.. they just come..
just had lunch.. feelin bored.. that could be the reason i am tinkin so much.. got to find something to do.. but i cant go out.. cuz no one is at home other den the maid - anna.. and my 2 nephews.. haha,. so hv to be around to make sure nothing happens..
sch's starting..
a new environment.. not sure how things will turn out.. dare not wish/hope much.. goin to take things step by step.. try to focus on my studies first.. try not to play too much.. thats why i wish i can fuifill.. hopefully that will come true..
dun feel lyk goin to sch.. just a feeling?. *sighz*
unsure of myself..
Placed By Jonathan
6/24/2004 02:44:00 PM
the new look..
just finish the new look of my blog.. haha,. how?. nice?.
hv to thank edna for helpin too.. haha,. thanks alot..
new look for new term?.
*tired*
goin to bed now..
Placed By Jonathan
6/24/2004 02:20:00 AM
i miss my grandma..
she's now at my sister's place.. takin care of her after she gave birth to kieron.. kinda cook for her.. and all those.. i miss granny's nagging.. her cooking.. haha,. went out for dinner.. so chole - my niece was with us.. haha,. so sent her back home.. when i saw my granny.. i was happy?. haha,. so went and sat beside her.. place my head on her shoulders.. so heart warming.. that kinda feeling?.
*nice*
time to chng the concept of my blog.. something new when terms start ya.. haha,. need to go brainstorm first.. haha,. tomolo is BBALL DAY!! go shoot some hoops.. haha,. no time to do shoppin today.. was to lazy to go out and was busy with some paper work/church paper work.. haha,. to finish some stuffs first..
couple of days left for myself.. counting dwn before sch starts..
DREADING!!
Placed By Jonathan
6/24/2004 12:14:00 AM
Wednesday
i blogged yesterday nite and my internet connection died-ed on me.. so now the whole entry is not there?. and i have to blog all over again.. haha,.
went to the aiport yesterday.. woke up quite early..
6:45am.. that was the time i woke up.. *sighz* onli had 3 hours of sleep.. was in time to send daniel.. peggy.. sharon.. pastor michael and rev loong.. haha,. there were quite a number of ppl to send them off.. haha,. wish them all the best and guess they were touched to see us there.. hope that it would be an encouragement to them.. haha,.
at that time some thoughts came true my mind..
"what if GOD calls me to go?." "would i be ready?." i wish i could go.. but am afraid that i would not be prepared.. as in spiritually that is..
not long after they went in.. uncle andrew.. edwin.. lian kai and i went for breakfast at BK.. and we headed to town after which.. brought 2CDS - Casting Crowns and Mercy Me (New Album).. so linger around.. just walk walk.. had lunch at subway.. haha,.
and soon after headed to
SUN MOULIN for some tea with uncle andrew and edwin.. just chatted with each other till 6pm and it was time to go home..
reached home.. chcked my email.. and i need to go buy some stuffs for my camp.. haha,. a sleeping back.. and need to buy a new water bottle.. haha,. goin to spend money again.. *haiz* money is never enough rite?. you keep earning and spending..
may pick up a job while studying in poly.. but have to talk it out with mum and see my studies first.. see how it goes.. if i can cope then why not.. haha,. sure need the money to buy books and to spend.. haha,. no more salary.. back to the usual allowance given by dad.. *sighz*
just woke up.. haha,. *tired/sleep* guess i slept to long?. nah.. i slept for 12 hrs.. its to cover the lost of sleep i had yesterday..
back to some work i need to do for church -
music ministry..
Placed By Jonathan
6/23/2004 01:12:00 PM
Monday
was goin thru the net today to find songs and chrds for training.. music training in church.. guo wei passed me abt 18 songs.. haha,. so far.. i had finished abt 10.. 8 more to go.. wuld be a busy week.. goin to ctc the ppl tomolo.. irregular teens to join our bowling event at kallang.. haha,.
aniwae while i was searchin the songs thru the net.. i realied that so many ppl is worshippin god or in love with him.. and i feel ashamed?. they are givin their fullest to him while for me.. not even that much?. mayb half of it or less..
kinda decided to do things step by step.. so i can digest it well.. to serve god in 2 ministry.. thats in the teens comm and music ministry.. haha,. hopefully poly life will enable me to have enough time for god.. and be able to manage my time and life for him..
its music..
music that brings me closer to god.. everytime when i open my laptop.. i will listen to music on my windows media player.. without fail.. its christian songs first.. and its the song that gives me peace and forget abt the problems that i face.. putting my trouble and thoughts aside.. kinda learnt to take things slow..
edwin will be comin over to stay later and tomolo goin to the airport to send the mission team off.. haha,. persudaed lian kai to come.. he is still decidin.. haha,. dun wanna commit to me.. so once decided he will call edwin?. haha,. he's out joggin with crystal..
and it reminds me to go play bball tomolo or wednesday when i have the time..
dun be
LAZY!!
alrite.. gunbound time..
Placed By Jonathan
6/21/2004 07:45:00 PM
chomp's the place.. had dinner with ben.. fen.. lian kai.. uncle andrew.. edwin and eunice.. been awhile since i had dinner with ben or sort of go out with him.. a nice dinner.. ya.. sort off..
a gross thing happen today.. ernest vomitted.. and there was the remains of beef noodles?. with the thick bee hoon.. oh man.. the smell was beef noodles smell.. how sick rite?. he vomitted in the midst of playin basketball?. who ask him go and drink 100 plus so quickly after playin?.
when he puked.. there were some ppl playin soccer.. and yes.. the ball hit his head.. and he felt giddy.. haha,. he complained.. "my head is numb.." not a good day for him.. haha,. *tsk* how sad.. how sad.. haha,.
was a lian kai's place before we went to play basketball.. came across this magazine where daniel's graduation.. from tung ling bible college.. and felt as though i want to serve full time ministry.. but i aint ready/prepared?. mayb when its time.. god will show me..
many things to do.. busy busy busy.. prepare the notice board in church for the teens programme.. contact ppl.. practice in church -> according to guo wei.. training will start lyk next week?. so he passed me some stuffs.. music.. and to find the chords for the song.. and also type it out in a nice format.. haha,. and i am bad at word?. *sighz*
received an email from GARY.. haha,. he is now in taiwan.. and guess he is fine but busy.. as there is a group of teens or ppl frm the states.. so he needs to show them around..
mission trip is on tuesday.. daniel.. peggy.. sharon.. pastor michael and rev loong.. shuld be sending them off at the airport at 7.30AM!! also need to pray for them.. uphold them in my prayers..
sch is starting.. next week that is.. quite happy.. finally sch after 7mths of break.. haha,. feeling the blues coming to me.. *sighz* why.. why.. mayb i dun feel lyk studying as i have such a long break.. "jonathan!!" wake up.. sch.. sch.. sch..
blah.. blah.. blah.. busy life.. just busy..
Placed By Jonathan
6/21/2004 12:35:00 AM
