Saturday
things have been very unstable lately.. both with joanne and lil star..
too many things happened during the short time span of 2 days..
first of all.. i tink i should say this to joanne..
if she ever reads it..
i know i have been a bastard.. and did things that shuldn't been done..
i shuld have told you much earlier.. and guess you found..
found someone for you.. who really is meant for you..
and ask you say.. things will be in the past.. so will you..
and so will i.. i guess i will be in your past den.. many things would be..
unresolved and left as it is i suppose.. but yah.. mayb thats the best..
you do take care.. guess things would be like what it was..
during the first time we left things where they were..
take care of my sweater for me too.. its yours.. or..
it had already been yours..
and to lil star..
know it has been numerous occasion that things happened..
and for the second time.. i broke my promise to you..
and thanks for giving me another chance.. i have been..
been very down lately.. and yah.. having you back..
is more den sufficient for me..
another thing is that guys.. i guess i am kinda down..
and moody.. so if i piss you guys off.. sorry yah..
thats abt all.. a troubled entry..
and what the hell is wrong with me.. *sigh*
Placed By Jonathan
7/09/2005 02:54:00 AM
Thursday
yesterday would mark a great day that shuld not have happened..
i told lil star about something that happened during monday..
and the thing is that now.. she kinda have ignored me..
and i tink it will be for a long time now..
i know i shuldnt have done it.. but somehow it just happened..
i wish i din tell her at all.. but the thing is that..
i cant have this fact that i got to keep it behind her..
i just have to tell her.. so i did.. and the result was kinda of expected..
guess all i can do is just leave her alone for the meantime..
and guess we wun be goin out.. or talking or anything for a long time..
what does this mark?.
jonathan.. you are such a fuck.. how could you do this shit to someone so..
so important to you.. and hurting two people.. you are such an asshole..
what have happened to you.. why have you changed so much..
wake up from your fucking dream..
Placed By Jonathan
7/07/2005 11:29:00 AM
Sunday
the emotions run deep within a person.. when you feel down..
thoughts come and go.. and you dont really know whats goin on in life..
unable to see where you are really heading too..
thats how uncertain i am abt myself.. thoughts come and go..
they really do.. things still exist and goes on even without me..
so whats the whole purpose of a person?.
1 person dont matter to the whole.. the strength of a person is so minimal..
i feel that i have been unfair to lil star.. when my shit moods come..
she kinda gets affected.. in some how or another..
through my actions.. my mood would naturally affect another..
just the fact when you are at a party.. where you see this one person..
he aint having fun.. you see the glum face.. you get concerned..
momentarily your mood is affected by this single person..
when you always alone.. you just tend to think dont you?.
den you tink of the scars that have affected you through the past..
right after which the past taunts your present life..
and boom.. there you go.. down in the pit of pain with sorrows..
mood swingings.. and you feel.. why do all this come..
today.. i went to church.. and many things strike to me..
teensconnect were having this presentation abt their committee..
and cuz of the simple reason being that its youth month..
i once served in teensconnect.. but i went out or stepped out..
my sole service to them was based purely on my strength..
i did not grow in relationship with god.. i have strayed further..
right now.. more further den before.. its damn weird.. my life as a christian..
i joined teens.. i served.. i lefted.. after awhile.. i came backed.. i served..
and now i lefted again.. what i am really doing?.
i dont really know my true identity at all.. in church i am a person..
in school i am another.. i am trying to find myself.. but i cant..
in the past.. i use to worship.. with my heart.. mouth singing..
now.. i just stand there.. hands in my pocket..
standing still.. mouth closed..
now.. i dont believe in myself anymore.. or i dun believe in god..
my life is so unstable.. and how can i have a stable relationship..
i might be fine when you see me.. but.. who knows..
i may not be inside.. an expression hide all pain..
just put a smile on that face.. look happy..
there you go.. people tink you are really alrite..
argh.. let this thoughts be gone..
striving on my own.. thats how life has been..
Placed By Jonathan
7/03/2005 02:59:00 PM
