Saturday
home alone.. that pretty much says it all.. yes yes..
i am home alone.. my family is away in hong kong..
while i am in singapore.. and that aint just the thing..
sick again.. yes.. AGAIN!!
down with flu.. bad throat.. and its all getting to me..
now i realise that having my granny around is great..
she cooks porridge for me.. ask me i want to eat or not..
now.. i need to settle my whole meals which i dont..
just see whats home den eat.. aint a cooking person..
this is the first time that my whole family is away..
and here i am alone.. it just feels very weird..
always this thought on my mind.. wishing..
that she would be here.. but she's busy..
and she needs her rest.. and yah.. thats how things are..
just hope she rest well and dont fall ill..
alrite den.. pretty much that..
an unwell me..
Placed By Jonathan
5/13/2006 12:03:00 AM
Friday
now.. i sure remember the feeling of how it feels like puking..
on a normal day after work and on the bus home..
suddenly your mouth feels sourish and your stomach feels weird..
breathing gets heavy and i know something was abt to happen..
got off the bus and there you go..
pukes.. damn.. and it happened twice.. hmm..
wonder wads the cause of it.. 3 mths due?. hmm..
but yah.. now something feels like its in my throat..
and my stomach feels weird.. damn..
Placed By Jonathan
5/12/2006 12:34:00 AM
Monday
the door opened, i stepped into the same place everyday.
i see the living room, up ahead is my room.
ignoring my surrounding, into the room i went and the door closed behind me.
the view of my window look out to the light blue sky and open sea.
home doesnt feel like home. it has become a place for food and lodging.
everything aint what it use to be. everything closes in on you.
voices throws over the rooms, loud voices, cries of my nephews.
wun those just go away. i cant wait for them to go away.
away for their holiday so i will be alone at home.
12/05 - 15/05, looking forward to those days.
problems always seem to occur. i cant run away from them.
and i dont want to face them. stuck at the cross roads in life.
i just need her with me right now. so so bad.
my body aches with pain, my heart beat could be felt in my head.
at any moment i probably would just collapse.
the fever is always on and off, no doctor please.
9 more weeks to go till due date of my project.
stress and i have other work to deal with.
am i leading a life that i really want. what do i want.
i just want things to be normal like how it was.
dont stress me anymore! i try to excel with school to show you.
to show you i am trying my best. yet you always say i aint doin enough.
why do you have to close up my freedom.
why do you have to threaten me with things.
stop paying stuffs for me and all. fine den. dont pay.
just leave it. i try to talk to you nicely abt matters yet.
you raise your voice at me. is this called nicely? calmly?
dont pressure me no more! i cant fucking take it!
i have enough! dont make me really leave this place.
i seriously will. i seriously will.
i just need her here, her shoulder so i can cry without being.
without being afraid. i fear of losing. losing. losing things i have.
confide in who, no one to confide in at all.
no one bothers. no one cares.
a messed up home, a messed up me.
Placed By Jonathan
5/08/2006 06:38:00 PM
on the streets at time.. i see couples walking on the streets..
i find it comforting when couples walk have each other..
able to have that someone always there..
that shoulder for her to lie on.. that hand for her to hold..
letting her know that she will feel secure..
as he is always around for her..
den i tink back abt the times we spent.. and..
wanting those times to come back again..
just that right now.. i have to wait.. wait for time..
waiting for the right time to come by..
those bus trips that we had.. those moments..
when we simply did nothing.. it was nice too..
times when we went shopping and you always scolded me..
saying you dont like to go shopping with me..
and that i always complain abt the things you buy..
waiting for those times to come back again.
those time will only happen with you around..
only with you..
Placed By Jonathan
5/08/2006 10:29:00 AM
Sunday
memories will never be memories..
cause those moments spent with you..
will just keep coming back..
we will spend such moments over and over..
cuz that would only happen with you around..
its all about you you you.. oops.. a lil crazy right now..
but yah.. glad that things are pretty well..
it feels well and hope it gets way better..
Placed By Jonathan
5/07/2006 01:04:00 AM
